(no subject)

[ambelies_writes]

This is what it feels like
to feel as if my skin is stretched
too tight over my sharpened bones
pieces of my soul shriveling and drying
flaking away,
People wanting to "fix" me
like i'm some broken toy laying
boneless on the ground with my strings
cut and lifeless

This is what it feels like
To know that what I feel
May not be rational,
Those thoughts, aren't my own
and there is no reason for me
to sit here, crying
Except that today is friday
and that the sun is not shining
and rain is dripping from the eaves

This is what it feels like
To look outside myself and see
that i am not like everyone else
I wear a mask i carry a wall
to keep others out
and myself in
I'm almost numb to it all
or at least that's what I tell
Myself and everyone else

This is what it feels like
To gather myself together
and shove the tears back in
to taste the salt and the bitter
and walk with a smile touching my lips
to make sure noone else sees
or is uncomfortable around me
I want so badly to be normal
I want to be able to smile for real

This is what it feels like
at least for now.
possibly I will feel differently
tomorrow or the next day
because every day is different
but this is how it feels for me now
perhaps tomorrow
or the next day
I will feel something else